The author of this poem wished to be anonymous. This is what she read at the mikveh upon her immersion.
I thought I said enough good byes. I have said good bye many,
many times.
_____After your last breath in our too-quiet bedroom, I said
__________good bye
_____As I wrenched the ring from your already-cooling hand, I
__________said good bye
_____As I watched them wheel the box containing your precious
__________ravaged body from the sanctuary, I said good bye.
_____When Meir helped lower you into the comfort of the earth,
__________I said good bye.
_____When the dirt fell-shovelful by shovelful–I said good
__________bye
I said good bye each time I did alone the things I used to
do with you
__________Each Times crossword puzzle
__________Each bedtime
__________Each birthday
__________Each holiday.
__________I said good bye.
I said good bye each time I did something new without you
__________Joining Emunah
__________Renovating the house
__________Making new friends.
__________I said good bye.
I have held you close these past three years by a gold thread of
grief, of missing, of loneliness. Now even that is dissolving
and you seem further and further away.
How can you be so far?? How can I let you go farther??
__________You who were a true father to my children–your
_______________stepchildren?
__________You who showered me with countless acts of
_______________kindness and devotion?
__________You who took my orphaned heart for your very own?
We speak of you, remember you, and tell the stories. You live
quietly in the deepest corners of my being. But you are there–
bound up in the bonds of life eternal–and I am here– newly in
love, growing older, moving on.
I pray for God’s blessing on you, on the space stretching
between us, and on this good bye.