In recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Mayyim Hayyim invited our partners at JF&CS Journey to Safety to share some reflections from their work. Journey to Safety supports people navigating life with a current or former partner who causes harm, meeting them wherever they are and walking alongside them through the many transitions, large and small, that path can involve. Below, their staff reflects on this week’s Torah portion, Bereshit, and the ways their work mirrors the transformation from chaos to order that the mikveh waters themselves represent.
This week Jews around the world are reading Bereshit, the first portion in the book of Genesis, which includes the story of the creation of the world from a place of chaos and darkness. And so today we are thinking about transition and transformation, undoubtedly a familiar theme for the community that surrounds and supports Mayyim Hayyim.
At JF&CS Journey to Safety, the domestic abuse program of Jewish Family & Children’s Service (JF&CS), we meet people wherever they are in their lives. Some people have done everything they can to end the relationship with the person who is harming them, some are figuring out how to leave, and some are seeking ways to feel emotionally, financially, or physically safer, even as they remain with their spouse or partner. All are looking to feel like they have more control over their lives while trying to lessen the impact of — or get free from — their current or former partner’s destructive, harmful, and, in many cases, physically dangerous behavior.
With that in mind, we recognize that many transitions for people happen not in the big moments like leaving or filing for divorce, but rather in what at first glance may appear to be smaller moments. It might be a tentative initial call just to see what it would be like to talk with one of our advocates. Or a discussion with a member of our attorney panel to hear more about legal options. Or an email from an advocate sharing a financial resource or other community organization that could help with a particularly daunting barrier.
In fact, the core of our work rests on supporting people through these incremental transitional steps, even as the person causing harm actively tries to undermine, destabilize, or sabotage their efforts.
If you or someone you know is navigating life with a current or former partner who acts in harmful ways, we want you to know that we approach the myriad of decisions and uncertainties that accompany transitional moments with the recognition that you are the expert in your own life. We won’t tell you what you should do next or question any of the decisions you have made along the way. Instead, we begin by asking what you want and need and what support might look and feel like to you. And then we’ll go forward from there.
We have heard countless stories of the darkness and chaos created by individuals who deliberately and systematically harm their partner and children. If your current or ex partner has, for example, spent years using manipulation, coercion, and/or violence to cut off your access to money, disrupt or destroy your relationships with friends or family, or undermine any feeling of value or self-worth you might have had, we understand that the likelihood of any real transformation may simply feel impossible right now.
At Journey to Safety, part of our commitment to our community is to hold the light with you as you begin or continue to chart a course out of this darkness and be able to shape your life in the way that you choose.
Returning to Bereshit, the portion begins with the story of a Divine light entering the world, bringing order to darkness and chaos before gathering the watery depths into something distinct and fully formed. We can read this story with the understanding that these gathered waters include the very water that eventually will fill the mikvah pools at Mayyim Hayyim and hold those who come to mark their own meaningful moments of transition.
The mikvah water itself reminds us that darkness and chaos can indeed be transformed into something quite different.
Thinking about our powerful collaboration with this place of living waters reminds us once again that the transition from chaos and darkness to light and order is not only possible, but is in fact the place where we begin the Jewish year every fall. And thus it seems only appropriate to share a section of Mayyim Hayyim’s Healing from Abuse ceremony, as it so beautifully offers this vision of transition and transformational change…
Carry me to new shores, new beginnings.
Grant me the gift of safety—safety of body and safety of spirit.
Grant me a r’fuah sh’leimah, a complete healing and renewal.
If you or someone in your life is being mistreated by a current or former spouse or partner, we hope you will reach out to us at a moment that feels right to you.
–The staff at JF&CS Journey to Safety
JF&CS Journey to Safety offers free, confidential support in English and Russian for those experiencing abuse—and for friends, family, clergy, and professionals supporting them. To learn more or bring an awareness-raising workshop to your community, contact us at jts@jfcsboston.org or 781-693-1213. For immediate help, call SafeLink, the 24/7 Massachusetts hotline at 877-785-2020.